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By reasonablyboredMarch 11, in General Support. But I'm I've lived out of my mom's house for nearly ten years now. In the last 5 or 6 years I have become totally repulsed anytime she touches me. When I moved out of her house we didn't have a good relationship. Then as I matured a little it got better but now its worse than before except that I can control my temper with her, whereas when I was younger I couldn't.


How can I recognize sexual abuse if it happened to my three-and-a-half-year-old daughter? About a month ago she told me a friend of ours touched her vagina. Since that time she has said nothing else and on gentle questioning she said it did not happen.

There are no behavioral changes and her behavior towards the man in question has not changed at all. They've always had great times together.

I have no idea why she said this and my feeling is that it is completely innocent. She is also at the stage where she is very interested in what a penis is and what a vagina is - she occasionally can be found on the floor probing her vagina.

Recognizing sexual abuse

But, is there anything I should be concerned about and how do I recognize real abuse of ? Palo Alto, California. Some of the most poignant episodes of my pediatric training were long visits with children victimized by sexual abuse. I vividly remember sitting with tears streaming down my face after hearing how children had been scarred by those they trusted.

How sad that we need to be discussing this subject for a three-and-a-half-year-old! Unfortunately, there is no age at which is exempt from sexual abuse. About one-third of cases occur in kids younger than six years of age, about one third in children ages six to twelve, and one third in children ages twelve to eighteen. Unfortunately, many of these children do not disclose this abuse until they are adults. Sexual abuse includes any activity with for the sexual gratification of an adult or ificantly older child more than about 4 years older.

Adults and older children hold a position of tremendous power in their lives. Most abuse begins with innocent physical contact. A needy adult then makes this a routine. Once a routine is developed, it is not uncommon to progress to intercourse. The most common perpetrator of sexual abuse is either a family member or a close friend of the family. Sexual abuse by a stranger is quite uncommon.

What it means for a mom to feel 'touched out' and how to cope

Over the last twenty years, the pendulum swung to the opposite extreme; if described sexual contact, it was considered a fact, and the volunteering of such information was considered very strong legal evidence. Recently, the pendulum has returned to a more balanced position: take it very seriously whenever mentions sexual contact, but understand that not everything said necessarily mirrors physical reality.

It is important to listen to your child and bring up any and all concerns to your pediatrician who can then take appropriate next steps. The best way to clarify a situation, such as you have described, is to have your child examined by a sexual abuse specialist.

Your pediatrician can also help you navigate where best to take your child for an evaluation. A sexual abuse examination is comprised of two basic elements. First, and perhaps most important, your daughter would be interviewed b y an expert who very gently elicits information from her about what might have happened. Efforts are made to minimize the of times has to tell the story and the of people visibly present during the interview.

The interviewer will let your child set the pace and may use pictures or dolls to draw her out, without suggesting to her what might have occurred.

Recognizing sexual abuse

This is generally followed by a physical examination of the external genitals, checking for any of trauma such as bleeding, tears, or inflammationlaxity, or discharge. Sometimes this will be done with magnification, using an instrument called a colposcope.

This will be done with a chaperone and often a parent in the room in order to ensure comfort for the. Note that a physical examination cannot in and of itself confirm or rule out sexual abuse. In at least half of the cases of child abuse that are confessed by the abuser, there are no findings on physical exam.

Hopefully, nothing ificant happened to your little girl, but if my daughter came to me with the same story, I would not let the situation go uninvestigated.

The scenario you have described is the most frequent way actual sexual abuse is detected. Begin by teaching them the proper names and ificance of their private parts as soon as they are able to understand about age 3. This will help to teach them that although these parts of their body are private, it is ok to talk about them and ask questions.

Then they will be ready to understand and communicate what has happened to them. Parents need to be careful about who spends time alone with their children — where and when. Parents should also be ready to listen and take seriously when their child has a question or concern.

Open lines of communication are incredibly important for children in order for them to feel comfortable talking about confusing or scary experiences. Studies have shown that the long term outcomes of children who have been abused are much better if they are believed and taken seriously at the time of disclosure.

Having trouble making physical contact with my momshe is so hurt. any advice?

Abuse should be treated by a supportive team of experts. Jenny C, et al. The evaluation of children in the primary care setting when sexual abuse is suspected. Finkel MA, et al. I remember he would put his hands down the back of pants. The fact that my dad denied it was so confusing for me because I didnt actually think he was doing anything wrong, i just didnt like it. Nothing ever happened and I never cuddled with my dad or mom or anyone ever again and I turned into the worst child in the family. My relationship with my parents and my dad nowadays, 25 years later, is good.

I dont know if what happened to me was sexual and i dont know if other sexual stuff had happened I want to touch my mom i didnt remember. I need serious advice please anyone who can help…. Weeks later, I walked into the room and she was sitting down with her baby dolls face in her crotch area and she was making a sucking sound.

When I asked her was she was doing she made the sound again and then stopped. Her dad and I separated for a while shortly after that incident and were on and off for a bit but he was never alone with her and she never had issues.

She potty trained herself at 2 years old and had no accidents. After the 2nd or 3rd time, she started peeing her pants all the time. And we were always home so there was no obvious reason for it. She started to space out and kind of just check out mentally and pee her pants. I thought she was just being lazy so I began doing potty breaks to avoid accidents.

She fought me about pulling down her pants. I thought she was just being a typical 3 yo and giving me a hard time. But the accidents persisted for about weeks. It seemed to begin improving but then began again. I called the ped and she was negetive for UTI and bacterial infection.

I obviously told her dad about this and it seemed to all just stop after she cried out of nowhere one night and said she doesnt want me to leave her with daddy. She wants to go to the store with me so I stopped leaving her with him. All was well for almost 2 months until last week. I can read him well and he seemed nervous. She was watching TV and out of nowhere he just randomly asked me what ever happened last time with her peeing her pants and the smell….

The came back today that she has a UTI. Same symptoms. My gut instinct has been eating me up for years at this point and now to see this happening I am so torn. My 4 year old granddaughter adamantly insists that an 8 year old neighbor boy took her to the bathroom, gave her his camera and asked her take a picture of her vagina. He showed her how to pull down her pants, put the camera between her legs and snap the picture. His parents say it never happened and my granddaughter is lying.

Do I call the police? He had ly tried to be alone with her al lot and once I walked in on him whilst carrying her and he immediately dropped his hand from under her skirt. I reported the whole thing and he was arrested.

For : touch my mom

I fled to a refuge with my kids and we went to court. I lost the case and he has now been granted overnight stays with her and my son starting this weekend. I am terrified that the thing I feared had now happened. She has already had some unsupervised time with him in the community as ordered by the court and came back refusing I change her nappy saying no no no.

Now, he will potentially have access to her in private. What do I do? I just left a 6 month relationship where I was elated to date a man who was a great dad to his 6 year old daughter. He has been divorced one year. Now that we have been broken up one month, I am trying to logically decide if some of the behavior I witnessed is enough to report to child services.

I have felt off about him and our relationship since what I began to see a few months ago, and what I saw only escalated.

The things that have been happening are more psycho-sexual in nature. The child displays behavior that is very unlike other 6 year olds I know. He seems to be giving her a very intense level of attention and physical contact that is more akin to a spouse than a little girl.

Since I found out about the co-sleeping nightly, I suggested that it was probably time for her to sleep in her own bed, but he kept sleeping with her. Not to mention her emotional instability. So he was either dreaming, or lying, but that shows he does not have sexual control while he sleeps or he is, well — a liar.

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Being "touched out" is something moms—and especially breastfeeding moms—know intimately.


Originally published on Spectrum.