horney wife Penelope
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  • Years:
  • 31
  • Color of my hair:
  • Ash-blond
  • My Zodiac sign:
  • Leo
  • Figure features:
  • My body type is skinny
  • I prefer to drink:
  • Cider
  • What is my favourite music:
  • Pop


Thanks to the Internet, a brand new phenomena has emerged of people who try to treat their own medical problems, like medical school is just Dumb patient stories formality. As if WebMD didn't already convince everyone they have cancer, now YouTube has convinced people to try dumb medical self treatments that even the renegades on House wouldn't try. These stories, all of people who wound up in the emergency room after self-treatments went bad, are definitely cringe worthy. These patients who tried to self-medicate by drinking bleach, using bug spray in their orifices, or even attempting surgery on themselves deserve a place in medical textbooks everywhere as examples of self-care no-nos. Medical professionals, who sometimes acknowledge that crazy medical techniques can workstill do not possess the patience for your nail polish remover remedies. Thankfully - for you - they still managed to share these tales on Reddittales that might as well be Grey's Anatomy episodes for how outlandish they are.


Doctors see a lot as part of their jobs, including many different kinds of patients. They see old patients and young patients, male and female patients, smart patients and not-so-smart patients.

Bug spray works best when not in an ear canal

How dumb, you ask? Well, the following doctors and medical professionals have seen men taking birth control pills on behalf of their wives, patients casually holding military-grade explosives, and a whole produce-section-worth of vegetables being inserted in places other than the mouth. I am not an MD, but as a Medical Technologist, I was required, early in my career, to go to the emergency room to draw blood from patients suffering all manner of illnesses and injuries. An elderly woman came in late one night with stab wounds to her abdomen.

My podiatrist buddy told me this one.

A lady has to have a foot amputated and is given waiver forms to pre-op. My buddy asks if she needs time to think about it.

Things get a bit more serious. I had this story third hand from a friend who worked in a hospital. A husband and wife come into the ER. They are obviously from far outside the city limits. The husband does the talking, and he makes an amazing claim: he says that there is some sort of critter living inside his wife. The nurse doing initial intake asks why he thinks that. But there is a plastic tampon applicator up where it should not be. Before I tell the story. It is true. So they took him off so that they could get the light bulb out and sent him on his way all in all fine just a little embarrassed.

That is not the best part. Actually, this was an experience that my father had. He had a young patient who had come in Dumb patient stories birth control. He prescribed an oral contraceptive and as he did with all of his patients, spent at least 15 minutes discussing the pill and instructing her about the way to use it effectively. Several months later, the woman and her husband came in with a problem. It appeared that the woman might be pregnant. My dad asked the woman if she had been using the pill every day, had she missed any doses, was she taking the pill at about the same time each day, etc.

Poking holes

He noticed that as he asked his questions, the woman would look at her husband who would then answer my dad. Puzzled, my dad asked the woman if she was the one taking the pill. He had a lot more patience than I would have had. I once had a man brought in by police for evaluation after a car accident.

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During his evaluation, we noted a firing shot that ran along the shaft of his junk. Shortly thereafter, we get a call from another hospital that we should be on the lookout for a patient who had left their hospital in a bit of a hurry, without ing out or even finishing his evaluation.

Then some other police officers showed up and the whole story came out. He was allegedly robbing a bank and his gun fired while he was pulling it out of the front of his pants. He left in a hurry, apparently went to this other hospital, saw some cops asking around so ran out and stole a car and then wrecked that while fleeing more police who started chasing him because he was driving erratically. Talk about a bad day!

27 doctors and nurses describe the exact moment they realized their patient was an idiot

From the most tragic one that makes you devastated, to the silliest one that makes you have to resist the urge to roll your eyes so hard to the back of your head. The most recent one was an year-old girl who ate insect repellent in this case, mosquito coils because her mother asked her to do the dishes. She went on a temper tantrum, shoved a handful of crushed mosquito coil into her mouth, and managed to swallow most of them before her mother came to interrupt.

I wanted to laugh but kept reminding myself that it would be unempathetic because her mother told the story with tears streaming down her face.

More from thought catalog

Talking about teenagers and their drama. I worked at a trauma center in a community full of geniuses. One July 4th, a nurse grabs me and pulls me into the room with a patient holding his bloody hand in a towel. J, help him! Now, remember, all great ER stories involve geniuses who usually augment their IQ with lots of alcohol.

Which he gladly accepted into his right hand. I once cared for a middle-aged patient who presented to an emergency with an adult toy-related, very embarrassing situation.

And he shoved the damn thing Dumb patient stories his pooper, high, high up! His drainage was jammed, the toy was slipping further up and after about 24 hours of wishfully waiting for it to naturally pass, it hurt bad enough to seek medical help. Needless to say, emergency surgery was necessary and he landed in the ICU with sepsis-related post-op complications.

It took him a long time before being able to use the toilet normally! Though I have seen some really absurd stuff in the ER, this one surely wins the now-that-was-stupid award. A woman came into the ER screaming in pain with her hand wrapped in a bloody towel. The first thing I noticed was she smelled of alcohol and cigarettes.

We calmed her down and took off the towel. Her hand had multiple lacerations with active bleeding. I am so glad I got the cigarette lit before it went off in my hand. All in a days work. I work in a 3rd world country with poor and illiterate patients.

No worries! it will grow back

So under the family planning program, a couple was advised regarding the use of rubber contraceptives. They had recently given birth to a baby. Now the lady doctor demonstrated the manner of using rubber by putting the it on her thumb and pulling it down gently. A few months later, the women arrived with an unwanted pregnancy.

2) half diet, all nonsense

On inquiring, we found out that her husband used to wear the rubber on his thumb during the intercourse. I had a patient come in for an STD check. She was very upset and continued to tell me that she only had one partner.

I asked what she meant when she said he washes it after every use. She explained that he washed the condom with hot water and soap before he used the said condom again.

I had to explain to her that condoms are a one-time use product. She had no clue. The patient came in for a complete physical. As the doctor was performing a gynecological examination, he encountered a very strange dark discharge. He discontinued the exam and told her she needed to see a specialist right away, explaining his findings. The attending joked that his brain was still inside. The family were stunned by this news. A woman came in after having a baby and tells us she had trouble nursing. I booked her an appointment at a lactation clinic and gave her some resources.

Her appointment was fine, and she went on her merry way. A few weeks later, we got the fax that she went to the clinic, and everything was fine.

Doctors share their “dumb patient” stories

She must have put pounds on an already obese frame. Nothing on it, nothing added to it. We send the doctor in to see her after briefing him on the whole story about the oatmeal.

When she comes out of the room, she keeps her head down and walks off, looking angry and embarrassed.

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I had a patient that got a pretty nasty infection and became septic after putting collard greens in her vagina for several days because she thought it would induce an abortion.


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Alisha Richardson.


She sat down while showing a house and sure enough, it broke and cut her up pretty bad.